Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

Relate offers private and confidential help to our clients. We will not give your name or any information about you to anyone outside Relate, unless someone’s personal safety is at risk. We will give you more information about confidentiality when you come for your first session.

Yes – we offer Child Inclusive Mediation. Our research and experience show us that children and young people want their voices to be heard and for their parents to listen and acknowledge their thoughts and feelings. Children who have been involved in the arrangements even in a small way feel and do better than those who are left out of the process. We feel confident in our work with children and young people as the majority of our mediations are also child and family counsellors so are fully experienced professionals in this work.

No, it is not appropriate to bring your children or baby with you and we are unable to offer crèche facilities at our counselling locations. Even small babies can pick up on emotions in the counselling room and the counsellor will be able to support you best if your whole attention is given to the counselling process. If you are attending for family counselling it may be appropriate to bring a child with you if you have arranged this with your counsellor in advance. For a first assessment appointment for family counselling, please discuss the age/s of your children when booking and the appointments team will guide you as to what is suitable.

We hold a Legal Aid contract and will complete an application for Legal Aid at your MIAM appointment. If you are eligible mediation is free as all your costs will be met by the Legal Aid Agency. At present if one party is eligible BOTH parties MIAMs and their first mediation session will be covered by the Legal Aid Agency It is difficult to give an exact cost – until we have met with you and understand your needs we can only give you averages. But here is some examples: Child Arrangements = £325 - £750 Property and Finance = £700 - £1200 All Issues = £700 - £1400 These costs include all work with your mediator, all administration costs, letters, telephone calls and the production of your agreement. They may seem high but if you compare them to Court or Solicitors where your costs can run into thousands and more importantly consider the emotional stress of going to court.

Yes. Counselling is a very effective way of negotiating a separation or divorce. It can help you to process any emotions that you might be struggling to deal with, or bring the relationship to a conclusion with as little pain or misunderstanding as possible. We run a follow on Mediation service which will help you with all the practicalities of splitting up, and it is a cost effective way of divorcing. Most importantly, it is an effective way of ensuring that the voice of the child is heard in these difficult circumstances. Please see the Mediation tab on our website for further information.

No – our mediators can advise on the legal process, and we have a Legal Consultant who supports our team but for legal advice we would suggest a Solicitor or other agencies who provide legal advice i.e. Law Clinics.

No – It is more productive if you mediate together. However, we can offer shuttle mediation where parties are separated, and the mediator moves between the parties. These details would have been discussed and agree during your MIAM appointment.

No. You do not need a GP referral to make an appointment for our counselling services. Please just contact us directly and we’ll help you find the right service for your needs.

No – we can arrange for you to wait separately. When you arrive and we greet you we will always check with you any special arrangements you require. We can also arrange to stagger arrival and departure times.

No – you can mediate without any legal representation. Mediation is not a legal process, but it is part of the court process. If you have a Solicitor, they can suspend work whilst you are in mediation; we may advise both parties to seek independent advice from a Solicitor to help with a final order or court proceedings.

Relate counsellors have all received specialist training in relationship counselling. It takes two to three years to become a fully-qualified Relate counsellor. They undergo further training to specialise in areas such as family counselling, children and young people counselling and sex therapy. Your Relate Centre may talk to you about seeing a “counsellor-in-training”. Counsellors-in-training receive thorough academic and practical training and are carefully assessed throughout this process and after they qualify. All counsellors continue with on-going training and consultation with other professionals to make sure they give you the highest standard of counselling.

No, but if you need one we can arrange this but regrettably we will have to charge for it.

Yes we do. We will ask when booking in your initial appointment is there are accessibility issues for us to consider. We are also able to offer you skype counselling if you are unable to get to our locations. So please do tell us if there is anything we can help with in advance of your session.

Relate keeps confidential records and statistics about our clients. Records are kept for a limited period and are then destroyed. Relate complies with the requirements of the General Data Protection Regulation (GDPR). We will give your more information about this when you come for your first session.

Yes. We welcome all individuals and couples irrespective of how they identify in terms of sexuality or gender. All our services offer professional counselling support to LGBTQ+ couples, individuals and families. Our professionally trained counsellors will support you in a non-judgemental way. Our counsellors and trainers will always give you the respect you deserve. Family Counselling service does not rely on a strict definition of who constitutes a family, it can include parents, children, step parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles, close family friends.

We support anyone who is distressed as a result of a relationship, whether current or past. Counselling helps you take time out from your situation and see it from a fresh perspective. Working with a counsellor gives you, or you and your partner, a chance to think about what you can do to change your situation for the better. It also gives you a chance to explore complex or difficult issues in a safe and confidential environment.

We are a BACP Accredited organisation, regularly monitored to ensure that we fully adhere to the BACP Code of Ethics, and we have stringent supervision of our staff team to ensure they are adhering to all our policies and procedures. Before we undertake counselling we have an assessment to ensure that our service is suitable for clients, and if not, we will signpost to a more appropriate service. All our counsellors have mandatory ongoing training to ensure they are up to date.

You don’t have to worry – we will apply for a mediation voucher worth £500 on your behalf to help with the cost of the case as long as child arrangements are part of the matters to be agreed.

When we book you a MIAM we will ask you to register a debit or credit card. We then deduct your session cost from the registered card on the day of your mediation session.

In Sex therapy, your therapist will carefully assess with you what the sexual difficulties are and how they can be helped. This usually means he or she will design a sequence of tasks and exercises that you can complete together (if you’re attending with a partner) or individually at home. The therapist will discuss your progress at each session and work at your pace to build on new learning and experience. Sex therapy is a talking therapy and you will not be asked to undress or do anything sexual at the sessions.

This depends on the type of case. On average Property & Finance or All Issues cases complete in 4 sessions. Child Only on average completes in 2 sessions. These are averages – we will tailor mediation to meet your individual circumstances and the number of sessions you need will reflect this.

The cost of sessions will be determined by your household income. People often ask why if we are a charity we charge. Relate London North East and Essex is a ‘not for profit’ charity and the money that we charge goes straight back into providing the best service possible. We try to keep the cost of counselling as low as possible, but we need to make a charge to cover the cost of what we spend. We have a limited bursary fund for clients who cannot afford to pay the full cost. Please do ask if you think a bursary is what you need. To confirm your appointment you will be asked for a payment in advance of all booked appointments.

Sessions are usually once a week for 50 minutes but this can be flexible according to your particular circumstances. Counselling will continue for as long as you and the counsellor feel it is helpful. The number of sessions depends on you. Most people find anything from six to ten sessions is about right for counselling, but Sex therapy can be a longer process.

No – we cannot present to Court, but once your agreement has been produced it can be given to a Solicitor to be made into a Final Order or Child Arrangement Order which turns the agreement into a legally binding document.

Usually no one has to wait more than one week for an initial appointment. The waiting time for ongoing counselling depends on your availability and the centre you would like to attend. There may be a shorter wait time for daytime appointments (before 4.00pm). Can I come on my own? Yes. Whether you are single or your partner does not want to be involved you are welcome to attend.

You might find it useful to think about how you want counselling to help. For example, are you looking to feel better about something in the past or do you want to make a change to your life now? Please try to get to your first appointment in good time so that it allows you some space to settle and consider the issues you want to raise in the counselling room.

PRO’s: Less Expensive Quicker than court You have a voice and make the decisions Legally fair agreement One mediator throughout the process Discuss what’s important to you Mediation agreements are stronger because you have put the arrangements together Mediation promotes parental communication Children have better outcomes when parents agree arrangements. Even if your relationship is over – you are both still parents. CON’s: Courts / Solicitor costs can run into thousands It can take months to get a court hearing Court makes all the decisions Court can make winners and losers In court dealing with numerous court personnel Court is formal – not flexible Court arrangements do not always fit in with the demands in your life Court does not cover how you parent separately Child Arrangements produced in court often break down

All our staff are trained in Systemic and Psychodynamic interventions, these form the basis of the Relate training. However, a large number of our staff team are qualified counsellors when they decide to work for us, and they may have extensive experience in other types of intervention, for example Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, Person Centred Therapy, Transactional Analysis etc. This means that when the client comes into counselling, the counsellor can make a judgement on how he/she will work with them, which would be the therapy that would be most suitable. Usually it is Systemic or Psychodynamic, but often interspersed with different approaches in order to get the best out of the counselling.

We would not be able to proceed as mediation involves both parties engaging in the process. Recently we have seen - if both parties had not considered mediation the family courts are referring them back to mediation before allowing the court case to go ahead. It is always worth understanding and considering mediation before rejecting the option.

We strive to offer you the best counselling experience in a professional, positive and informative way. We welcome feedback and want to hear your views on our services. Please do help us by completing the questionnaire that you will be given both before and after counselling. If however you are unhappy with any aspect of our services please do talk to us about it and should you wish to make a formal complaint, please ask for a copy of our complaint procedure.

If you are unable to keep an appointment, please telephone or email us as soon as possible and another appointment can be scheduled for you. However, if an appointment is cancelled with less than 48 hours notice, full payment will be due.

Violence and abuse is an issue for some people who come to us for help with their relationship. We know that in this situation working with both partners together may not be safe. If this is the case then we would suggest each partner receives individual specialist support either from Relate or another agency. The counsellor will explain at the first session how we work.

Most cases result in successful agreements. But if you are unable to resolve the issues, we will provide you with the relevant court forms to allow you to make an application to the family courts. The forms issued by us are valid for a period of 4 months from the date they are signed. This period is set by the Judiciary and cannot be amended by us. You are of course welcome to return to mediation at any time whilst there are issue to be agreed and you are both willing to engage in the process.

MIAM stands for mediation information assessment meeting. This meeting will take around 45 minutes and is a confidential conversation between you and the mediator. We will ask you to explain your situation and what kind of arrangements you are hoping to achieve. The mediator will explain how mediation works and gives you a chance to understand how it may help you.

Counselling involves individuals, couples or family groups having sessions with a counsellor where they talk through an issue or work through a problem. The counsellor is trained to help people understand themselves better, relate better to others and make decisions about what to do next. Your counsellor will help you talk openly and honestly.

Mediation allows you to discuss the issues that are important to you and to make your own decisions. If you go to court the judge will make the decisions for you and you must follow the ruling; even if you don’t agree or will struggle to keep to the arrangements. Mediation gives you choices and the outcomes are stronger and work for both parties.

One session therapy is a type of therapy for adults aged 18 and above, focusing on a very specific area of a relationship. In a single hour long session, individuals or couples work closely with a counsellor to address on clearly defined aspect of their relationship. It is not suitable for relationships impacted by abuse, control, or if someone is attending the session against their will.

All our mediators are fully qualified to undertake All Issues work and are members of the College of Mediators and affiliated to the Family Mediation Council. Only FMCA mediators can conduct MIAMs and are recognised by the Ministry of Justice and the Legal Aid Agency. The Legal Aid Agency annually audit our service.

All our mediators are fully qualified to undertake All Issues work and are members of the College of Mediators and affiliated to the Family Mediation Council. Only FMCA mediators can conduct MIAMs and are recognised by the Ministry of Justice and the Legal Aid Agency. The Legal Aid Agency annually audit our service. Our mediators come from a wide range of backgrounds; Child and family counsellors / Family Solicitors etc. All bring valuable experience and skills to the profession together with the family centred ethics of our organisation.

You will initially have an assessment session with an experienced relationship counsellor. You and the Relate counsellor will discuss the issues you bring and how Relate works. Sometimes a one-off appointment can be enough to help you, but more likely your counsellor will recommend some ongoing Relate counselling. If your counsellor doesn’t think we are best placed to help, they may suggest another organisation that would be better placed to support you. When you first arrive you will be asked to fill out some forms in order to help the counsellor understand more about your situation and record your on-going progress. These forms are confidential and will not be shown to your partner. If you are unsure about how Relate will use any of the information held about you, please ask your counsellor or a member of staff. If you decide to have ongoing counselling the appointments team will discuss dates and times with you and match you to the next available regular slot. This may or may not mean you have to wait – it depends on how flexible you can be – daytime appointments often being more available than evening ones. You might be coming to counselling with your partner, your family, a family member or alone. Many people also find it helpful to come on their own for counselling and sex therapy, whether or not they are in a relationship.

First appointments are usually given within 1-2 weeks of contacting Relate. Counselling sessions are available at various times throughout the day and on several evenings a week until 10.00pm. You do need to make an appointment. Our appointment team will be able to give you details.

At present we have three offices in Romford, Basildon and Enfield. But we are looking to open other locations later in the year.

If you inform us before you come along we can arrange to fill in the form for you. If you don’t, please mention it to the administrator who will help you.